To The One Who Loves Me Most, Pt 2

Love, I'm pouring out everything to you now. I've been walking very close to the edge of where I'm not supposed to be. You've always protected me from falling off, every single time. I'm sorry Love, I got this heart broken, again. I'm sorry if I couldn't take very good care of it. I know I should've just left it with You but I always keep on insisting that I'm just gonna be fine and that You need not to worry about me. But Love, I messed it up again. I've carried myself too far from You and I got lost again. I kept wandering away from Your will for me. I wanted to decide for myself thinking my plan was better off than Yours. I just couldn't grasp it. I could not comprehend what You where leading me to. I refuse to believe what You had in mind for me. I know it is what is good but I just see it too impossible to happen for me.

Love, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it. I know You are enough and the cross was enough. But sometimes when I get overwhelmed, when I get hurt and my thoughts are too painful, I doubt Your truth and I question Your love for me. I keep on looking at myself, the weight of my sins and the past I've walked myself through—and I forget You. I forget the price You had paid for me, the blood that You shed and the victory You have won for me. I forget who You are and I remember who I was before I met You. I remember every dark valley, every wrong turn and every shame I've done. But You kept on pursuing me, reminding me of Your every scar and the very sacrifice You did because You love me. You did it all because You needed to show me the greatness of Your love for me. It was after all Your love that restored me. 

Love, I still remember how You saved me. You came into my life when I was a million broken pieces. I was lost and You found me. You showed me what unconditional love was and bit by bit You healed every scar I had. You kept pursuing me even when most of the times I’d rather get lost and wander, even when I’m being disobedient, rebellious and such a stubborn heart. You kept loving me even when I don’t always love you back. You were very patient with me even when I keep failing, when I keep making the same mistakes again, and even when I’m at my very selfish and human me.

Love, how would I ever go further without You in my life. You are my safe place and my strong tower. Where would I run to when my heart breaks again? You are my comfort zone and my well of peace. Where else could I find such place? I am again at lost for words. When I needed reassurance, You never fail to send me one and my heart gets overwhelmed every single time. You always, always remind me of Your promise for me. You remind me over again that what You say You will do and You will let it come to pass. So I’m sorry Love, for denying Your grace, for not trusting Your heart, and for not having faith in Your hands. I know at some point I take matters to myself, but Love lead me back to You. Allow my heart to wait for Your miracle. Let Your will rise above my own desires and let me love that of which You desire for me. 

To the One who loves me most.

From the one who’s hopeful and patiently waiting.